KEY POINTS
- A partner betrayed by infidelity may experience symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder.
- Intrusive thoughts and an inability to stop scanning for new data that could cause distress are two symptoms characteristic of being cheated on.
- The healing process from infidelity is the same as it is for all traumas.
Of all of the threats to a committed relationship I have treated in four decades of working with couples, the most difficult to heal is infidelity. When a trusted partner in a committed relationship betrays the sacred trust of the other, the relationship will undergo severe instability.
The partner who has been betrayed is emotionally tortured and humiliated when knowledge of the infidelity emerges. They are clearly in trauma and experience the same array of symptoms that professionals now describe as post-traumatic stress disorder. Similar to any others who have suffered threats to their physical or emotional well-being and security, they are disoriented and confused by what has happened.
Similar to the classical symptoms of PTSD, relationship partners of both genders may experience:
- Repeated intrusive thoughts.
- Unstable emotional regulation.
- Out-of-body experiences.
- Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation.
- Inability to stop scanning for any new data that might cause more distress.
- Feeling overwhelmingly powerless and broken.
- A need to regain self-worth by assigning blame.
- Confusion and disorientation.