Month: June 2023

Here is Jamie’s story:

“I became a part of the AMA Facebook group in April 2019 when there were less than 100 members. At that time, I was in the midst of a NC period with AP, on the verge of yet another relapse and so horribly broken. Debbie Rose’s website [Aftermyaffair.com] was the first I stumbled upon in gaining some clarity and insight.

The women in the AMA Facebook group encouraged me and gave me hope.
I remember thinking I can’t wait until I am on the other side of this and can do the same for others. So here I am…

My AP was a co-worker, 9 years younger than me and I wasn’t at all attracted to him in the beginning. When I went back to work in June, 2015 after my second son was born, I was in a horrible state of postpartum depression but I didn’t realize that then. I had never been depressed before.

AP was pursuing his master’s degree in counseling and given that summertime was a slow time at work, we had a lot of time to talk. He was just a friend and a colleague then but when I look back, I remember that summer beginning to see him in a different light, more attractive. I was bummed on days he was out for some reason. It still felt innocent, but something in me was changing.

Husband and I had been married 12 years at that time, we were involved in our church, I was/am a Christian and there is nothing bad to say about H. He was a great father and husband, he still is. I wish I had known then what I know now about true love and marriage. I do know now that God can take the worst thing and make it the best thing.

In September, 2015 I came out of my depression and I spent a lot of time with co-workers including AP. We were a tight group. About that time, AP’s girlfriend broke up with him. He was vulnerable and I could tell he was already attracted to me.

The emotional and physical A started in March, 2016. I started it. I kissed him.
Looking back, I was totally caught up in infatuation/limerence. I knew it was wrong but it didn’t matter, it felt so good and it was so fun. I told myself, I’ve always been a good girl, this is a phase, no one will ever know and I’ll come out of it. We texted all the time and ran errands for work together and were just high on each other.

In June, 2016 he decided to pursue an available girl and I was out of my mind jealous and sick over it. It didn’t work out, we started the A up again in August, 2016. We both knew it was wrong and struggled with guilt so he again tried pursuing another single girl in September, 2016. Again, I was jealous and sick. He broke that off in November, 2016…Thus began my living 2 lives. AP and I were in a relationship all of 2017. I lied all the time to H and family. We saw each other whenever we could. I signed up for lots of out of town work training and he went with me.

My life at home was not bad but this felt exhilarating. It was an escape, a high.
I was still Christian. I knew I couldn’t lie to or hide from God but I did shy away from him and told myself he’d always forgive me. H and I had a good relationship although clearly distant and he never suspected that I’d be unfaithful.

In February, 2018 AP and I decided we couldn’t live without each other and the only choice I could see was to tell H the truth and leave to be with AP. I told H that February and his whole reality crumbled in an instant. He begged me to give it 6 months, to do counseling, to “try”. I agreed because what kind of horrible person doesn’t try? My heart was not in it. We went to counseling and I even tried NC but it was short lived.

In May, 2018 I moved out, telling H I was no longer in A but I needed space and time for me. I was taking another step closer to “freedom” and what I so desperately wanted. I convinced myself that AP was my soulmate and God has someone better for H because H deserved so much better after what I’d done.

I also began to feel between a rock and a hard place. My family and friends were upset with me. Everyone thought I’d gone crazy. AP was a good guy (who obviously made bad choices) who was single with no kids. However, he had nothing to offer me that I didn’t already have and everyone loved H. It was totally limerence/affair fog. I know it was.  But I believed it would last forever.

After I moved out, I’d go home weekly to see my boys. I remember my youngest, 3 the time, waking up with me sitting next to him on the couch and he looked at me with distrust and said “Mommy, you came back.” I was choosing AP over my boys and they didn’t even trust me anymore and it hurt. It was so deserved – but it hurt.

I had/have the most amazing mother in law in the world. The epitome of Christ-like love. She was running my home while I was getting ready to break up my family One day she said, “Jamie, what do you know in your heart without a doubt to be true?” I said God’s word, the Bible. She said don’t look at it as choosing between H and AP, just look to God’s word, where does it lead you? At that moment, I knew I had to break it off and come home not because my heart wanted to, but because I knew it was the right thing.

I had no idea how strong the relapse struggle would be. I broke it off and chose my marriage in May, 2018. AP was devastated but he wasn’t mad and he didn’t try to guilt me into staying. I think he knew it was the right thing too as much as it hurt. The depression I felt then I now know was withdrawal. It was worse than postpartum. I was a shell of myself. I felt so empty. I lost so much weight, my heart felt shattered. I just wanted AP. He reached out a couple weeks later, which felt like an eternity, to give me some of the stuff I’d left at his place. We relapsed.

This time the A was different, worse, because we now knew the fairy-tale future we’d planned together didn’t exist. We knew we could never be together in real life but we couldn’t let go either. I call 2018 the year of purgatory, it was the worst I’ve ever experienced. Our A wasn’t fun and exciting anymore. I was in a place where I wanted something so badly I knew I could never have and I was tormented. There were a couple days I couldn’t even get out of bed. We carried on until December, 2018 and I broke it off.

He knew what a mess I was and I knew I really had to work on my marriage and try to get out of this cycle. I lasted until spring 2019, and reached out on his birthday. We stayed in contact until a month later 2019- then he broke it off saying it hurt too much to live like this anymore. It was a hard two months until April, 2019 when he caved and reached out on my birthday.

This is when I found AMA and Debbie told me don’t respond to him, you will lose the 2 months of progress you’ve made. I didn’t listen. I couldn’t resist. I no longer felt in purgatory through 2019 but I was stuck in darkness, depending on AP,
afraid to let go and therefore not healing or moving forward in my marriage, my life.

Finally in December, 2020. He met someone. Someone who attracted him and gave him hope of a future. I know it was God’s divine intervention. God knew that’s what it’d take to break us apart because clearly my H and my faith hadn’t been enough. AP broke it off for the final time to pursue a healthy relationship.
I don’t know how long I would’ve stayed stuck in that cycle if he hadn’t.

2020 was my year of healing and progress. I accessed resources from Affair Recovery, I took their Hope for Healing class, I watched tons of videos from Dr. Joe Beam on Limerence and infidelity through Marriage Helper.

I was finally present in my home, my marriage, my family. My relationship with Jesus was and is more real than ever. Honestly, I was grieving the loss of AP but not like before. As much as I initially hated thinking of AP with someone else, it was absolutely what needed to happen to draw me out of that dark, deceived place and into the light I am currently in.

I have personally experienced God’s rescue, grace and mercy in my life. 2020 was my first full year of NC and healing. I’m now in year 2. I haven’t arrived by a long shot but I am healthier than I’ve been in 6 years.

I have a whole new respect and appreciation for my H. He has stayed faithful and committed. Loving at me at my worst through my withdrawal and depression.
We have both been in individual and couples counseling which helps immensely but it took a few fails to find the right therapist. He and I are currently in a better place than ever before. I won’t lie, he still struggles with triggers and memories but we communicate and work through them. I still struggle with triggers and memories but I logically know now that it’s not AP I miss. It was the excitement, the escape, the high. It truly was a dangerous addiction and NC is absolutely necessary to get out of it. I know I’m a stronger, more compassionate woman because of the experience.

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and it was not linear… so much up and down. I failed over and over but God was always with me. He never left, I chose to walk away from him. He chased me down and saved me from the destruction I was choosing at the time. God loves me enough that he saved me from a whole lot worse kind of guilt, shame and regret. Not because I deserve it but because of his grace. I never ever have to doubt or question that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. This is the life God called me to. I belong in my marriage, in my family, in my home.

There is never a reality where God will call you to violate his most sacred covenant, marriage, and start a life with someone else. That could never be in anyone’s best interest including yours. On days (which are becoming less) that I struggle with triggers I am comforted by this truth. I used to believe that love is a feeling. I now know love is a choice, a commitment and an action. My love for AP was jealous and self-seeking. True love is never self-seeking and it is always kind. Following God is so simple but it is not easy because the world is broken and we are broken and the temptation of our flesh is strong. Always remember that God is stronger and our true victory and freedom can only be found in him.”

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1. He questioned the word of God to inspire doubt in God’s word. “Has God indeed said?” (Gen 3:1)

2. He questioned God’s goodness “you shall not eat of every tree”. (Gen 3:1) Perverting God’s words, he inspires doubt about God’s goodness.

– Both these doubts are attacks on the mind of man today.

3. He aroused her emotions by contradicting the Word of God. “You shall not surely die”. Satan knows that bold lies built on a foundation of mistrust laid earlier are effective means of temptation.

4. He appeals to her imagination. “You will be like God!”, “You will be enlightened, knowing good and evil” were Satan’s promises to her if she ate the forbidden fruit.

Satan uses the same strategy today to entice people into sin.

Eve was guided not by her spirit, nor by the word of God, but by her soul and body. The lust of the flesh “the tree was good for food” (Gn 3:6a), the lust of the eyes “it was pleasant to the eyes” (v6b) and the pride of life “desirable to make one wise” (vs 6c). It is these three factors which we must overcome in our warfare with sin and Satan today. Jesus overcome all three in the wilderness when tempted by Satan (see Mt. 4:1- 11; 1Jn 2:16).

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I have a story that I really don’t remember, but it certainly has effected me for a long time to come. When I was born, I was almost a month premature. I was only about five pounds, but lost down to barely four. I had quite a few little things that made me sick, but the main problem was that I was born with a hole in my heart. The doctors told my parents that I wouldn’t live over a few weeks, and if I did, I wouldn’t live past seven or eight years old. My parents took me to a few heart doctors and got the same response from all of them. My parents have always been very spiritual, and faithful to GOD. They took me to the little country church, that they are still attending, and done as the bible says. They had everyone that knew how to pray to come and lay hands on me. They took me back to my next appointment, and when the doctor came out he told them that the hole had “grown up”. He may have thought it grew up, but me and my family know what really happened. I slightly surpassed the doctors guesses on how long I would live. I just turned twenty this past year, and I am proud to tell anyone and everyone how I am still alive. It goes to show how powerful God and prayer is, and how He can change things in an instant. I hope you continue to post stories, and I hope that your site is up for a long time to come. Gods love can only get sweeter and stonger. I also hope he will bless you for having such a wonderful site like this.

Sincerely,

Allen Watts

Lomery Allen Watts

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7. Does Not Care If Others are Uncomfortable Because of Them

Since they are self-centered, do not expect this kind of person to think about what others feel. They can be straightforward, even though they know they might offend someone. And even if they are not welcome in a place, they will still go simply because they want to.

8. Puts Themselves Before Others, Even Family

Do not expect a selfish person to care about others, even their own family members. They only look after themselves. They are not willing to sacrifice time or resources, even if they know someone close to them is in dire need.

9. Carelessly Tactless

As mentioned in no. 7, an egotistical person can be straightforward without caring about how others feel. They are tactless and will not try to find gentle words when talking to someone. What only matters to them is they get their message across.

10. Disregards Others’ Beliefs

This kind of person is often closed-minded. They think they are always right, and it is their duty to correct others. They are disrespectful to other people’s beliefs or principles simply because those are different from their own.

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At the latter end of Psalm 45:11 the KJV renders the verse as “for he is thy Lord, worship thou him”.  Since this passage is a prophecy of Christ and his church and Ephesians 5:23 tells us the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his church – is God commanding the wives should worship their husbands?

The answer to that question is found in many passages of the Bible but Revelation 19:10 gives us an extremely clear answer where John fell at the feet of angel to worship him:

“And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”

We worship God and God alone.  So, we know that Psalm 45:11 is not teaching women to worship their husbands.  Does that mean we dismiss the latter part of Psalm 45:11 as not applying to human marriage at all? The answer to that is no as well.

To better understand how Psalm 45:11 applies not just to the spiritual marriage of Christ and his church, but also to human marriage we will look at this same passage in the English Standard Version of the Bible:

“Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:

  forget your people and your father’s house, and the king will desire your beauty.

Since he is your lord, bow to him.”

Notice the big difference? In the KJV it tells the woman to worship the king who will be her husband.  In the ESV it tells her to bow to him.  And if you were to see the wording of this you would also notice that the KJV capitalizes the word “Lord” while the ESV uses a lower case “lord”.

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1. Don’t get married. Just don’t do it. Unless…

Before you know it, you’ll be married and eating pizza and wings on your couch with your beloved, staring at the next seven to eight decades of your life. It’s going to happen.

But why? It seems that most humans gravitate towards marriage or at least domestic partnership, so we’re talking about a deep, human tradition that doesn’t have to require a license and rings. But most people spring for the legal side of it, changing last names and throwing a big party with cake and a DJ (or, if they’re really good, a house band).

But marriage, while practiced by almost every adult, shouldn’t be. This is evident in the divorce rates for first and second-time spouses, which show us that more than 40% of us just aren’t good at staying married and faithful (if you’re the kind of person who wants a faithful spouse). And 90% of us won’t take on that second marriage until its mortal end.

What we’re good at is getting married because, well, why not? Contrary to statistics, it makes sense to become domesticated and want to be with that someone forever.

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The authority to print money in the U.S. rests solely with the federal government, and the only legal tender in the country is the U.S. dollar.

So, while the Tenino Wooden Dollar sounds like a great idea, is it legal?

If it really were a competing currency, the answer would be no. But it’s really more like scrip — a certificate that can be exchanged for goods — and scrip has been used by all manner of towns, regions, companies, and organizations for hundreds of years. As long as they are not used to avoid taxes and can be exchanged — or ultimately exchanged — for U.S. dollars, they are legal.

“No one is going to be held accountable for this because they are not actually creating money, as it’s legally defined,” Jesse Kraft of the American Numismatic Society told CNN in evaluating the Tenino currency. “These are just tokens that are creating an economic stimulus.”

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Little Tenino, Washington (population 1,884) has come up with a seemingly novel way to ease the economic pain caused by the coronavirus lockdown: Create the town’s own currency.

Mayor Wayne Fournier was looking for a way to help individuals and families who were hurt when businesses were forced to close down when the idea came to him at a town meeting. During the Great Depression in the 1930s, Tenino had printed its own wooden dollars to help the local economy — why not do it again?

Fournier and city officials decided to reintroduce the wooden currency, using an old printing press to imprint thin sheets of wood with an image of George Washington and the phrase, “habemus autem sub potestate,” which basically means, “We have it under control.”

Here’s how it works: The town set aside $10,000 to assist residents with incomes that fall under the poverty line. Those people become eligible to apply for money from that fund. Instead of receiving cash, however, they get the wooden currency, which comes in notes worth $25 each. Applicants can receive up to 12 per month, or $300, and their use is limited to Tenino merchants who provide essential goods and services, not including liquor, cigarettes, or marijuana. The merchants may then submit redemption requests to the city for real U.S. cash.

Why not just give residents the cash? Because the local currency means that the money stays in the community and is not sent out to Amazon or other online retailers.

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