If someone’s hurt you in a significant way, you may engage in unhealthy or risky behavior as a form of self-medication. Think of the cheated lover who engages in a string of unhealthy relationships or the humiliated person who goes on a spending spree.
What’s worse is that we justify our actions with a false sense of self-care. While self-care is a hugely important part of letting go of unforgiveness, actions that provide short-term relief but long-term harm are not acts of self-care.
What to do instead: Identify things you can do to engage in proper self-care. Create a list that you can use every time someone harms you in a way that might be difficult to forgive. On this list could be things like, prayer, exercise, meditation, healthy eating, breathing exercises, sleeping, etc.