I have a friend who I’ve known since I was very little. One day, when he was six, I was at his house when he got this absolutely god-awful stomach pain. I mean, he was literally writhing in pain. So, his mom took him to the doctor’s office, where the doctor took one look and told her to take him to the ER. She feared something along the lines of an intestinal rupture. About half way to the hospital, my friend suddenly let rip the loudest, most powerful fart any of us had ever heard. I swear to God he levitated. We thought the upholstery in the car seat had ripped. After a good 30 seconds of intense farting, he looked at his mom and said, “I feel all better now!”
When I was in high school, I was pretty quiet around people who weren’t my friends. The high school’s wrestling coach also taught geometry, and he was my teacher. This resulted in a lot of wrestlers skipping class and barging into our classroom to hang out and not get in trouble. One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were. When they go over and pull out the uniforms, the whole class is kind of side eyeing them. Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny. I mean, it’s tight royal blue Spandex with a suspender style top. Absolutely funny already. But the wrestlers grab the uniforms and rush out of the room to go change in the bathroom, and come back to show them off. Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk.
Anyway, we live in a town called Ocean City. It’s commonly abbreviated as “OC”. On the back of the Spandex uniform, it says Ocean City Men in large letters. Except… they used the abbreviation. On the back, it says OC MEN. Which isn’t awful, but then I sound it out in my head. OC MEN. Oh—semen. I almost spit out the water I was drinking.
I looked around frantically, trying to find out who I can tell, because I didn’t have any friends to tell in this class. I turn to the girl next to me, and I had no idea who she was and had never talked to her before. I told her what I found and we both cracked up.
The whole time she saw me as the quiet teacher’s pet who was shy as hell. The first words out of my mouth were “It says oh semen.”
We’ve been best friends for 7 years now.
This redefines “nasal cavity.”
A man who was struggling to breathe was flabbergasted after Mount Sinai surgeons discovered a half-inch-long tooth growing inside his right nostril.
The unnamed 38-year-old New York man had reported to the doctor after experiencing breathing difficulties for several years, according to a New England Journal of Medicine case study detailing the olfactory anomaly.
There, an examination revealed that the patient had a deviated septum — when the partition between the nasal passages is pushed to the side — as well as bone-like growths in the nose. These complications were vexing as the patient didn’t sport any visible facial trauma or abnormalities.
In order to get to the root of the problem, oral and maxillofacial surgeons Sagar Khanna and Michael Turner conducted a rhinoscopy — a nasal exam done via a tube-like instrument with a light and lens — whereupon they discovered a “hard, non-tender, white mass” poking up through “the floor of the right nostril.”
What an unhappy ending.
Thought sweating on a hot day was uncomfortable? During an intense Canadian heat wave, male honeybees literally ejaculated themselves to death in an apocalyptic love explosion, according to a bombshell study report by scientists at the University of British Columbia in Canada.
“When drones die from shock, they spontaneously ejaculate,” said Dr. Alison McAfee, the study’s author and a postdoctoral fellow at UBC’s Michael Smith Laboratories who has studied bee health extensively, as reported by Phys.org.
The carnal combustions occurred during British Columbia’s sweltering 2021 heat wave and were documented by Emily Huxter, a rural beekeeper in the province of Okanagan Valley, who started noticing dozens of dead drones on the ground. She emailed pictures of the dystopian die-off to McAfee, who got in touch with other beekeepers. They said they’d witnessed the same disturbing phenomenon, which they claimed was endangering the survival of their colonies.
PRAGUE (AP) — A Czech zoo has welcomed a critically endangered eastern black rhinoceros baby that has taken the name of Ukraine’s capital Kyiv in honor of that country’s resistance to invading Russian forces.
The rhino was born early on March 4 in the Dvur Kralove zoo, a rare occurrence for the facility even if it has the most rhinos belonging to the subspecies.
“The name is another expression of our support for the Ukrainian heroes,“ zoo Director Premysl Rabas said.
Kyiv’s mother Eva has been taking care of him in a best possible way, the zoo said, with the baby gaining 1 kilogram (2.20 pounds) a day. It currently weighs about 50 kilograms (110 pounds) .
Poaching has reduced the number of the eastern black rhinos living in the wild to around 800. The Czech park has 14.
Only three other such rhinos have been born in other zoos around the world in the last year.
A total of 47 eastern black rhinos have been born in Dvur Kralove since the park received the first one in 1971.
Many of them are now in various zoos around the globe but nine have been returned to Rwanda and Tanzania to live in the wild.
MATINICUS ISLAND, Maine (AP) — There’s an “Island of Misfit Toys” in the popular holiday classic. Now there’s an island for unwanted and banned books, too.
The tiny library on Matinicus Island 22 miles (35 kilometers) off the Maine coast is on a mission to fill its shelves with books that have fallen out of favor elsewhere.
From “And Tango Makes Three,” the story of two male penguins that raised a chick together, to classics like “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee, “The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood and “The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck, all books are welcome including those that are being banned or canceled in other parts of the country.
Eva Murray recently returned from a trip to the mainland with a bunch of books including “And Tango Makes Three,” which the American Library Association says is one of the most banned books in the country.
“We are buying banned books in order to publicly push back against the impetus to ban books. To say, ‘If you don’t want it in your library, we want it in ours,’” Murray told the Bangor Daily News.
For years, islanders just traded books among themselves, but they decided to create a grassroots library in 2016 in a donated storage shed. It expanded in 2020 to add a second shed for a children’s library with help from a grant from the Stephen and Tabitha King Foundation.
There’s no librarian. Patrons borrow books using the honor system. Books are checked out by writing the book’s name in a notebook.
As the library grew, the island started to become the bookish equivalent of the “Island of Misfit Toys,” the place where unwanted toys reside in the Christmas classic, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
The emphasis on banned books does not seem to be controversial on Matinicus, the state’s most remote and isolated community.
With only 100 year-round residents, a live-and-let-live tolerance and appreciation for differences is essential.
“We are in a privileged position to say, ‘We don’t ban books,’ and that we welcome people’s suggestions for books,” Murray said.
WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) — When is a potato not a potato?
When it’s a tuber of a gourd, according to Guinness World Records.
A New Zealand couple who believed they had dug up the world’s largest potato in the garden of their small farm near Hamilton have had their dreams turned to mash after Guinness wrote to say that scientific testing had found it wasn’t, in fact, a potato after all.
Colin Craig-Brown, who first hit the tuber with a hoe last August when gardening with his wife Donna, said it sure looked and tasted like a potato. Mind you, he added, he’s never tasted a gourd tuber.
“What can you say?” said Craig-Brown. “We can’t say we don’t believe you, because we gave them the DNA stuff.”
After months of submitting photos and paperwork, the couple got the bad news from Guinness in an email last week.
“Dear Colin,” the email begins, going on to say “sadly the specimen is not a potato and is in fact the tuber of a type of gourd. For this reason we do unfortunately have to disqualify the application.”
CHILTON, Ala. (AP) — An Alabama man who called a wrecker service asking to have a 70-ton crane pulled out of the woods is now charged with stealing the heavy machinery, sheriff’s officials said.
The owner of a towing service contacted the Chilton County Sheriff’s Office on Monday, saying the man had called claiming someone gave him the crane, and he wanted it removed so he could sell it for scrap, the agency said in a statement.
The wrecker service owner recalled moving the same crane a few years before and contacted its owner, who denied having given it away. The towing operator then called law enforcement. The man who wanted the crane moved fled before officers arrived, driving the rig into a ditch where it became stuck.
The 26-year-old Clanton man was arrested Tuesday on a probation violation and first-degree theft charges. Court records didn’t include the name of a defense attorney who could speak on Mims’ behalf.
“We have worked a lot of theft cases over the years, but this one definitely takes first place in the heavyweight category,” Sheriff John Shearon’s office said in a statement, thanking the wrecker service.
- A New York-based company is selling jeans designed with permanent piss stains.
- According to Wet Pants Denim, their products aim to “mimic the aesthetic of urinary incontinence without the commonly associated discomfort.”
- Some people “have a fetish wherein they pee their pants because they like the way it looks,” added the company’s CEO.
We’ve seen a lot of strange fashion products being sold on the web but this has one of the craziest ever. Apparently, an online store from New York is selling jeans that look like you’ve literally pissed yourself.
Sounds disgusting, you say? Well, wait until you see the pics below!