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This story is very close to being heartwarming, unlike some of the other items on this list. This isn’t a crime of intent. This man wanted to do a nice thing — to go get a sprig of mistletoe to decorate his house for the holidays. And although cynicism rules the day on the Internet, we should generally applaud and celebrate people who try to do nice things.

Except when they do those nice things with shotguns. We should applaud, yes, because niceeeeeee. But it is also our duty to mock those people.

People like Bill Robinson, who used his shotgun (which is not known as “the scalpel of the firearms world”) to shoot a sprig of mistletoe down from a tree in a mall parking lot. This attracted the attention of the local constabulary, who we like to think had to scour their police code book for quite a while to come up with the right way to call this one in.

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