After my son died, I felt God carrying me as friends surrounded me. I declared boldly at his funeral that God never makes a mistake (and I firmly believe those words). But months later, walking past an empty room and reliving the events of Paul’s last days, I spiraled downward. Could I have prevented this? Why didn’t God save him? Why doesn’t God protect his people who’ve been faithful?
The God who once felt breathtakingly near now felt miles away. Reality had settled in, and I was left feeling lost and lonely. I wondered what happened to the hope and faith that had characterized those early days.
This stage of unsettledness has occurred after every major crisis I’ve been through. Maybe you can relate to that bewilderment. Waking up every morning without the one you love. Realizing that doctors’ appointments, physical pain, and emotional distress will be part of life going forward. Adjusting to a life of limitation without the rush of support you once had. These can all be part of the long and lingering tail of suffering.
We realize we’ve gone farther into the wilderness. One meal from an angel isn’t enough. We need food for an indefinite time. We want to get out, to move past all the pain, but somehow we can’t figure out how to escape. Every route we take is a dead end. We are tired of dependence and want to return to a place of security and comfort.
Persecution Live 