I sensed God answering me to surrender not only to Him, but to confess to faithful friends the depth of my battle, past and present.

Perhaps this is the most difficult part about coming to a place of living free in the Spirit’s power: one must first come to a place of complete, vulnerable and transparent surrender.

I thought I was surrendered to Him, but every time I was in fellowship and considered confessing to others, I wouldn’t reveal the deep down struggles because of fear, pride and shame. I convinced myself I did not need community to help me break through – I just wanted it to be between God and me. It seemed so silly to me that I could fall for Satan’s ridiculous lies. So, the battle only continued.

One day, I slowly broke down and prayed for the right time with the right people to open up to.

During a women’s discipleship group, my friend had a vision for me. She saw crumpled pieces of paper in my right hand. 

She told me God wanted me to let them go so He could move forward in showing me His plan. I didn’t tell the group, but I knew the crumpled pieces of paper were all those feelings and acts of self-hatred that I had written down in a journal, torn out and crumpled up. But I was still carrying them around in my heart.

At the following week’s meeting, they prayed for me again. This time the Spirit broke into my heart and I felt His Presence so strongly. I started laughing uncontrollably in pure joy! There is unbelievable joy when Jesus is near! As my friends prayed for me, my laughter gradually turned to tears, and my friend asked me if there was something I wanted to confess so they could help me pray through it. After a long pause, I finally confessed my battle to my sisters, and it was so freeing.

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