Forgiving Yourself

This is an excellent companion to a couple teachings I published entitled, “It’s vital to love yourself” and “The forgiveness of sins“. If you look in the mirror and look yourself in the eyes but you don’t like the person you see, then you need to forgive yourself and learn how to love the person that God has made in you! This is what we call a stronghold, or an incorrect thinking pattern that needs to be torn down in your mind. If you have repented of your sins, and taken them before the Lord, then you are forgiven… and now you need to come to realize the power of that. You need to stop associating your failures with your “new creation” image, for God’s Word says…

2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

Can you honestly look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you” and mean it with your heart? I’m not talking about a prideful way, but a humble means of accepting who God has formed in you. We need to love and accept the person that Christ has made in us, and forgive ourselves as Christ has forgiven us!

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The deadly side of hurt feelings

Hurt feelings are a sign of an underlying struggle with forgiving those who have hurt us. What you may not know is that unforgiveness can send a person to grave if they die without resolving those issues in their life. The Bible makes it clear that if we are going to be unforgiving, we not only become spiritually defiled (Hebrews 12:15) and turned over to tormenting evil spirits (see Matthew 18:23-35), but our unforgiveness actually blocks God’s forgiveness towards us concerning our own sins:

Matthew 6:15, “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

That means if you are an unforgiving or bitter person, then you are not clean to stand before God. You’re sins are still hanging over your head, if you fail to release others for what they have done to you.

In the Spiritual Warfare Series, there is a powerful two-part teaching on how exactly to go about forgiving those who have wronged us, and releasing those hurt feelings from our system: See Unforgiveness and forgiving others

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Emotional buildup: Easily offended? Irritable?

Today I was in a restaurant, and looked out the window to see a river. The Lord said to me, “Do you see the rough surface of that water? That is because there is turmoil under the surface. The same is true with people who are rough around the edges and are easily triggered to things such as pain, anger, hurt, etc.”

Have you ever seen somebody who is tense, where it is easy to get on their nerves? Do they always seem irritable? Does this describe how you feel? Have you ever wondered why a person is like that? It is certainly not part of God’s design for us, for His Word is clear that we are given a sound clear mind:

2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Turmoil in one’s system is usually caused by emotional buildup (things in the past that were never let go of) or unclean spirits. If something is bothering us, we need to make the choice to release our concerns to the Lord. Whether it be bitterness, fear, hurt feelings, emotional damage, feelings of rejection or abandonment, those feelings are devastating to our spiritual health and must be released from our systems. God’s Word clearly tells us to cast our cares upon Him, for He cares for us:

1 Peter 5:7, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

God wants us to release our emotional buildup, hurt feelings, etc. and give those things to Him. Why did God tell us to do this? Because He knew the devastating effects that such negative buildup can have on our systems. If we don’t fail to follow God’s command, and allow an emotional buildup in our systems, we then make ourselves available for spirits of anger, hate, bitterness, rejection, etc. Once that happens, those spirits can lay under the surface, and continually remind us of why we are hurt or angry. It’s like a record playing in your mind over and over again, continually escalating you to higher levels of bondage and turmoil. If this has happened, the first step is to release the negative buildup to the Lord, stop listening to all the reasons as to why you are upset, etc., and if the problem seems to linger… seek deliverance from those spirits! It is not normal for our rivers to be rough from turmoil that has been brewing under our surfaces!

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Tearing down defense mechanisms

It is important to realize that defense mechanisms will attempt to block outsiders, regardless if it’s further harm or the light of Christ. This will prevent the light of Christ from even reaching the wound so that it can be healed. The goal, therefore, is to address defense mechanisms so that the light of Christ is not blocked. We must make way for God to heal the wound! Emotional healing is a ministry of the Holy Spirit; it is our job to simply cooperate with Him to manifest that healing.

Roadblock #1: Unthankfulness. Being that defense mechanisms are there because of pain and hurt, they are generally unthankful. The Holy Spirit has shown me that thankfulness is definitely an important key to receiving healing for damaged emotions. We must stop dwelling on what was done to us and all of the fleshly reasons why we are unthankful, and begin to dwell upon the things which God has given us (life, a wonderfully made physical body, the steep price that Jesus paid for our redemption, perhaps a wonderful spouse and family, etc.). I have an entire teaching on thankfulness titled A Thankful Heart that I highly recommend reading on this subject.

Roadblock #2: Blaming others (including ourselves and God). Defense mechanisms are generally prone to blame ourself, others, or even God for what has happened. Blaming ourself opens us up to bondages of self-hate, self-resentment, self-unforgiveness, self-rejection, etc. Regardless of who our defense mechanism is blaming, it is enforcing a wall which is blocking our healing. It is keeping our eyes on the problem, and off of the solution (which Christ has provided). It is absolutely important for us to accept personal responsibility for our own ungodly and hateful reactions (in our heart) for what was done to us. If we choose to dodge that responsibility, then we can forget about ever being healed of the wound.

Roadblock #3: Fear. In many cases, defense mechanisms are afraid of being hurt again, therefore they are operating out of fear. This fear will cause the person to dodge situations which may expose the person to further pain, rejection, and so forth. This type of fear is ungodly, and leads to the person failing to trust God with those things in their life. God’s Word tells us to cast all of our fears upon Him, for He cares for us (see 1 John 4:18). Not knowing the love of God will make it difficult to trust Him. It is difficult, if not impossible, to trust somebody whom you don’t really know loves and cares for you. Therefore, an important key to overcoming these fears is to learn of the love of God for you, and meditate on His goodness. Fear also draws us inward, which makes us dysfunctional in genuine relationship building, and can even render us useless in ministering to others.

Roadblock #4: Unforgiveness. The issue with unforgiveness is actually rooted in a distrust of God’s justice. When a person refuses to forgive, they are afraid that nobody else (including God) is going to do anything about the wrong that was done against us, therefore they themselves will hold onto it and see to it that the person receives justice (in their heart). They do not believe that God is going to ensure that justice happens. Forgiveness is a form of trusting God to handle the situation, and bring justice. God’s Word tells us to give place to His wrath, for He will repay. Did you know that we can actually prevent that person from receiving justice for what was done to them? It’s true that if we fail to give Him that place, then we can’t expect Him to act on our behalf and bring justice. Romans 12:19 tells us, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

One of the keys to living a life of forgiveness, is getting it down into your spirit that God truly cares for you and what is done against you, and will bring justice to those who wrong us as we trust Him with those situations.

Roadblock #5: Incorrect perceptions. A very important key to inner healing, is the tearing down of strongholds. Strongholds are incorrect thinking patterns or perceptions that have been burned into our way of thinking. When we perceive God as a cruel, distant, and unloving taskmaster, then it makes it very difficult for us to trust Him and cast our cares upon Him. When we perceive that we are dirty and shameful failures, then we will not be confident in our relationship with God, and our faith will be severely crippled. We will draw away from Him, rather than to Him (where the flow of healing is). Properly perceiving who we are in Christ, the nature and love of God for us, and our relationship with Him, is a very important key to drawing near to Him so that we can freely receive the healing light of Christ to our emotional wounds.

By coming to know the true loving, forgiving, and accepting nature of God, and to be confident in our relationship with Him (because of what Christ did, we can enter the holy of holies with boldness!) creates an atmosphere where the walls which defense mechanisms have built can be lowered. Once you begin to see God as a concerned Father who is loving and caring, and eager to heal your wounds, and your defense mechanisms are lowered, then the light of Christ is going to begin to shine on your wounds and bring healing.

A word about trust versus forgiveness: Many times these two things are confused and misunderstood as being one and the same. That is not true. Extending forgiveness is always required of us (see Matthew 6:14-15), but trusting the person who has offended us is another story. Let’s say that you were raped or abused; while it is vital to forgive the person who has done this terrible thing to you, it may also be very unwise to allow yourself to be alone with them again (thus putting yourself in harms way again). While we are required to forgive the person who has wronged us, we may or may not ever trust them again in that area, and that is perfectly acceptable.

While we are not required to trust others who have harmed us, we need to trust God with every area of our lives. Trusting God requires a knowledge of His love for us. God’s Word tells us that perfect love casts out all fear, why? Because when we know His love, it’s a synch to trust Him with every area of our lives! Another factor that hinders our ability to trust God, is not feeling very confident about our relationship with Him. Many Christians are plagued with guilt, shame, and condemnation feelings. Somehow the devil tries to make us think that our failures are greater than the Blood of the Son of God, which was shed for the removal of our failures. Are you problem focused (your sin and failures) or solution focused (what Jesus did about it)? Is the Blood of Jesus, which was shed for the sins of the whole world, so weak that it can’t wipe away the failures in your life? If that’s what your thinking, then you are grossly underestimating the value and power of the Blood of Jesus!

It is also helpful to verbally confess your choice to tear down ungodly defense mechanisms:

“I now take down the ungodly walls meant to protect me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and can endure whatever is necessary that lies before me.”

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Understanding defense mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are usually there because the person has been wronged (abused, hurt, etc.). All that these mechanisms know is hurt and pain, so they take it up on themselves to protect the person from further hurt and pain. Some people will even make a vow such as, “I will never let anybody get close to me again!” Such vows bind a person’s soul and invite demonic bondage. Demons are more than eager to work alongside defense mechanisms to create bondages to things such as anger, resentment, fear, and so forth. In such cases, the defense mechanisms need to be addressed, the demons cast out, and the emotional damage healed.

Self-pity can cause a person to actually hold onto their hurt and pain in order to gain love and acceptance from others. Self-pity can be rooted in rejection, because the person is attempting to find love and acceptance. Where there is self-pity, there is usually a sense of rejection from others.

Somebody who has defense mechanisms built, will often find it difficult to talk about certain things or receive correction about their attitude or conduct. There is often a feeling of, “Do not go there!” rise up within the person. They want to stay away from addressing the root as if it were poison.

The whole idea of defense mechanisms is to protect the person from further harm or pain.

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Defense Mechanisms and Inner Healing

Many people don’t even realize it, but they have what is called defense mechanisms that are preventing their emotional wounds from ever healing. The Holy Spirit is eager and ready to heal us, but when we don’t somehow receive it, then there’s a reason or something that is blocking or hindering that healing from manifesting. All too often, that reason is a defense mechanism that is in place, protecting the wound from further harm, but at the same time, serving as a wall or blockage which prevents or hinders the light of Christ from penetrating and healing the wound.

Once Satan has a wound in you, he wants to ensure that it doesn’t heal. That is where he works hand in hand with fleshly defense mechanisms to keep a person’s wound from ever healing.

What is a defense mechanism? A defense mechanism is an ungodly reaction within a person that is designed to prevent the person from further harm. It can be fear, unforgiveness, un-correctiveness, rebellion, etc. Think of it as a wall which keeps out both the bad guys along with the good guys.

Unfortunately, the very thing which rises up to defend us, is the very thing which prevents our wound from ever healing. The Holy Spirit is more than eager to get us healed and restored, but we must not put our hand in His face when He’s trying to heal. One of the most important steps in the inner healing process is to remove defense mechanisms so that the Holy Spirit can heal the wounds. Begin to deal with the defense mechanisms, and you will make yourself available for healing.

Defense mechanisms are rooted in our human flesh, and are not inclined to trust God. That is why a defense mechanism can cause a person to find it very difficult to trust God. They would rather act upon their fears or unforgiveness to protect them, than to lay their burdens and concerns before Jesus’ feet, and trust Him to take care of them. In reality, defense mechanisms are fleshly ways of dealing with and handling things that God has told us to trust Him with.

How do you recognize a defense mechanism? Be watchful for emotions which tend to “rise up” within you when you are faced with certain situations which put you at possible risk of being re-hurt in a particular area of your life. Defense mechanisms can come in a variety of forms, but the two main categories involve fear and unforgiveness. Fear is afraid of being hurt, and unforgiveness says, “I will not allow myself to be hurt.”

Unforgiveness and fear both have children, did you know that? Unforgiveness is the root that leads to resentment, anger, hate, and even murder. Fear has a family all on it’s own, including plain old fear, worry, insecurity, dread, panic, and so forth. I have dealt with a spirit of panic in a young woman, and when it manifested, her body took off vibrating. Whenever you are not inclined to trust God with something, it can be a defense mechanism because you fear being hurt or suffering loss. Fear is just as much of a defense mechanism as unforgiveness is.

If you struggle with issues of anger, rebellion (blaming others), resentment (rooted in unforgiveness), and so forth, then you are up against a defense mechanism. A defense mechanism will rise up when it perceives potential harm in an area of a person’s life.

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Receiving the love God has for us

When it comes to God’s love for us, that’s very obvious, considering how He loves even the sinner so much that Jesus came to die for them. Anybody who knows the message of the cross, has some knowledge of God’s love for us. However, many times, we blame God for our problems, and so we don’t believe the love that He has for us. Not only do we blame Him for our problems, many times we think that God gave us the sickness or problem in our life to teach us something. Nothing could be further from the truth! Jesus tells us clearly who came to kill, steal, and destroy, and who came so that we could have life and have it in abundance.

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 KJV)

If we are going to receive the love that God has for us, we need to get our thinking straitened out. He’s not the one behind our problems, but rather Jesus paid the full price so that we can be forgiven all our sins, both physically and emotionally healed, and blessed.

“When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick: That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.” (Matthew 8:16-17 KJV)

Look at how good God’s heart is toward mankind! Not only did Jesus heal them, but He proved the blessings of the covenant we have with Him today concerning our healing and deliverance. Isn’t He good toward us? The reason why bad things happen to us, is because we live in a fallen world that is under the control of the evil one. It’s not God’s fault. He loves you. Jesus died for you.

Settling the fact that God loves you and is good toward you is crucial to restoring your God-given capacity to receive His love. If you can’t receive His love, then you need to stop and ask yourself four questions:

1. Am I blaming God for anything bad that happened to me?

2. Have I been emotionally wounded in such a way that it is hindering my ability to freely receive love as God intended me to?

3. Do I have knowledge and revelation of how much God loves me? Do I have a solid Biblical understanding of how I am loved with the same kind of love that the Father has for Jesus?

4. Is there a self-worth issue that makes me feel unworthy to be loved?

Settling these issues lays a foundation for breaking free from the power of addictions. You must repair the damage and faulty thinking which hinders your ability to receive the love that God has for you.

How do you know if you are receiving God’s love or if it’s hindered? If you are not passionate about Jesus, then somewhere your ability to receive His love is hindered.

If you are living a life without receiving God’s love in your heart on a daily bases, you are missing out on the most fulfilling life you can have here on this earth. To know God’s love, which surpasses all understanding (see Philippians 4:7), dispels all our fears and gives us a sense of peace and joy that we could never otherwise know.

“And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:16-18 KJV)

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Self-worth issues can hinder love

Self-worth issues are rooted in believing that we are not worthy or deserve to be loved. When we believe that we are unlovable, we will unconsciously reject any love that comes our way. We won’t believe the love, because we believe in our hearts that we are not worthy. Self worth issues are all rooted in our failing to see who we really are in Christ.

If you walked into a gallery of world-class art, and pointed to a painting, saying, “That is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen! Who painted that??” Now let’s say the artist was standing right next to you. How do you think that would make Him feel? Do you realize we are the artwork of God, a special painting crafted together by the master painter? Do you think it brings Him honor when we look down on ourselves? We need to stop putting down what God has made.

Many times we have self-unforgiveness issues because we blame ourselves for something, or we’ve done something we deeply regret, and we simply cannot let it go. We need to realize that Jesus has forgiven us of all our failures, and we need to start seeing ourselves as forgiven. Otherwise, we’re denying the work of Christ in our life! If God forgave you, and you’re still beating yourself up, then you don’t really believe what Jesus did for you. It’s that simple!

Just as we must forgive others (see Matthew 18:21-35), we need to forgive ourselves just the same. Self-hate has been known to be the root behind diseases such as lupus and crohn’s disease, as well as other auto-immune diseases. We need to stop holding ourselves accountable for that which Jesus has set us free from.

If we want to be in faith, we need to BELIEVE what Jesus did for us, and part of that believing is seeing ourselves as forgiven and clothed with the righteousness of God, which is upon all who believe in the finished work of Christ. Without faith, it is impossible to please God (see Hebrews 11:6), so if you want to please God, start taking the finished work of the cross seriously, and begin to see yourself as forgiven, washed clean, and clothed in the righteousness of God. For the righteousness (right standing with God) is upon all who believe:

“Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe…” (Romans 3:22 KJV)

Unforgiveness is rooted in a lack of realization of how much God has forgiven us, and therefore we’re not thankful for the steep and terrible price that Jesus paid for our own failures. This is why it is so important to mediate on what Jesus did for us, until it transforms our heart. The message of Jesus’ work for us is what causes faith to arise in our hearts and transforms us from the inside out (read Romans 10:8-17).

Learning to see yourself as God sees you, and forgive yourself because you want to please God and be in faith and be thankful for what Jesus did for you, is the biggest step in overcoming self-worth issues. Of course, there are spirits that may need to be driven out as well, such as self-hate, guilt, condemnation, etc.

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Breaking Addictions

Addictions are something that plagues many people today, whether addiction to food, sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, spending, masturbation, porn, etc. Some inexperienced deliverance ministers might go after a spirit of addiction, which may bring freedom, but more often than not, it doesn’t bring lasting freedom. Many times there is a root that needs to be pulled up, along side casting out any residing spirits that are holding the person in bondage to the addiction. Getting to the root of the addiction is the key to bringing a person lasting genuine freedom. I am going to address the most common roots to addictions, and hopefully give you an idea of how this particular type of bondage works so that you can minister lasting freedom to those caught up in this type of bondage.

We are all created with a basic need to be loved. God created us to both give and receive love, but though damaged emotions, our capacity to receive love can be dramatically hindered. Ignorance of God’s love will also hinder us from receiving the great and glorious love that He has for us. The root of most addictive behaviors is a lack of love being received by that person. Many of us have been damaged emotionally by rejection, abandonment, abuse, etc., and thereby our capacity to receive love has been reduced. Only an emotionally healthy person is capable of both giving and receiving love as God intended.

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Forgive yourself – see yourself as God sees you

Forgiving yourself is a vital step that we must take while seeking inner healing. We need to love and appreciate the person that Christ has made in us! It is vital to see ourselves for who we really are in Christ. If you continue to beat yourself up for your past failures, after the Blood of Christ has washed them away, then you are, in reality, denying the very work of the cross! Here are a few (of many) good verses to mediate on in God’s Word:

Psalms 103:12, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”

Romans 5:1, “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Isaiah 43:25, “I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.”

Hebrews 10:22, “…draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.”

Colossians 1:22-23, “…he has brought you back as his friends. He has done this through his death on the cross in his own human body. As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand in it firmly. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed by God to proclaim it.” (NLT)

For more information on forgiving yourself, I recommend going through my teaching entitled, “Forgiving yourself.” I also highly recommend my teaching entitled, “A love relationship w/Jesus.”

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