Category: Biblical

See, I wanted to CONTROL THE NARRATIVE about how they saw or thought of me. And I certainly didn’t want them telling others untrue or half-truths about me, even though that’s not in my control.

Ultimately, I wanted to defend myself and justify my decision or action because I didn’t want to be rejected or to protect my reputation. I believed that if I could control the narrative, I could minimize the hurt.

The truth is that people will do and think what they want regardless of you telling them what’s what. But if I could explain everything and make them understand, I could protect myself. THIS is how over-explaining is a control tactic. By over-explaining, it’s me trying to control how it will affect me if they don’t understand my choice or walk away thinking badly of me.

It hurts to know that someone thinks badly or wrongly of you. That’s human. But Psalm 62:5-7 (and many other verses) says to depend on God alone, to put our hope in Him, that He is the one who protects and saves us. He alone is our defender and our shelter. We aren’t to take to defend ourselves. The Lord vindicates us.

I feel like the Lord wants you to know that while your flesh still squirms under the pressure of wanting to be understood and spill all the details so you can have that semblance of being understood, know this, the only thing that needs to be said is what you are released to say. Nothing more. Nothing less. God will work out all the rest.

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One of the hardest things I’ve been walking through for some time now is learning not to “explain myself.”

For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I had to explain, in detail, why I do what I do, chose what I chose, the decisions I made, or who I am. It’s especially hard when someone has the wrong idea about me, something I did, or has devised their own presumptions (aka rude assumptions) behind a choice I made.

These things are undoubtedly rooted in wounding that became a coping mechanism, a way to protect me and avoid conflict or rejection.

While it’s important to offer some explanation for some occasions, I felt I had to explain ALL the details so they would UNDERSTAND me or my choices completely. How does this connect with control? Keep reading. I’m almost there.

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Over-explaining indeed has its beginnings in trauma in many instances. It can develop as a result of gaslighting. Anxiety and ADHD can also lead to over-explaining or people who grew up in a strict home where you had to “justify your choices.” People who felt they needed to be convincing or read the other person’s responses to ensure they absolutely understood where they were coming from and may also over-explain.

Dr. Caroline Leaf explains it this way,

Over-explaining is a common trauma response for those who were often made to feel at fault as a child. At one point, the desire to people-please provided safety. But, please know, what happened is not your fault, and it’s not your job to regulate other people’s emotional states.”

Over-explaining is often associated with the fawn response.

There are many reasons why a person over-explains. But I want to focus on a specific instance of when it happens—when someone has the wrong idea about you or something you chose to do. Have you ever done this? Have you ever felt like you had to explain yourself?

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What would you say if I told you that over-explaining yourself and your decisions or choices could be a hidden control tactic? Before you exit the stage left, let me explain. (pun intended)

If you thought it was a trauma response, hang with me. We will get there. First, let’s talk about what it looks like.

Over-explaining means describing something to an excessive degree. It includes oversharing and disclosing inappropriate information and details about your life or a situation.

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Saul and David are perfect examples of a rebellious heart and a submitted heart. Neither men were perfect. But what sets them apart is the posture of their heart. Saul’s heart was consistently rebellious, while David’s was consistently submitted.

Saul

When Saul was confronted with his sin, he explained and excused himself, revealing his disobedience and his mistrust in the Lord. He followed his whims rather than seeking the Lord’s guidance. Saul’s life tells us that rebellion is the result of pride.

Rebellion will move you from a place of blessing and safety to a place of danger and disaster.

David

However, when confronted with his sin (2 Samuel 12), David’s response was tender and responsive. He listened to the message from the Lord, confessed his sin, had a humble heart, and sought after righteousness.

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1. You’d rather give orders than receive. If you don’t do well following instructions, you might have a rebellious heart.
2. You might have a rebellious heart if you see instructions, rules, or guidelines as restrictions on your creativity or style and would much rather make up your own rules.
3. If you feel the urge to do the opposite of what you’ve been told or asked to do.
4. You always want to stand out, for better or for worse. Blending in does not appeal to you. Instead, you focus on being different and doing things differently than what everyone else considers normal or accepted. You thrive on being the “weird one” in the group because it sets you apart from the “normal people.”
5. Believe it’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission. Rebels do what they want now and clean up afterward.
6. You never seem to fit in. People with rebellious hearts seem to never click with a group. They’re usually the odd-man-out or stick out like a sore thumb and enjoy being the “misfit.” Many will refer to themselves as misfits or too weird for people. It comes back to the goal of being unique. There’s much more going on here, but rebellion is also at the root of this way of thinking.
7. Rules are meant to be broken. Right? If you enjoy going against the grain and breaking established rules, you have rebellion in your heart.
8. In children, rebellious hearts show up in obstinance. No amount of punishment or scolding decreases their behavior.
9. You hate being restrained in any way.
10. You dislike that people bow to authority so easily or accept the status quo without question.
11. You radically accept yourself. You’ve said, “I am who I am.” People who want to be in a relationship with you have to deal with how you are or leave.
12. Compromise is not in your vocabulary.
13. Your presence is always a roar, and never a whisper.
14. You live by your own set of rules.
15. Apologize? Nope, not you!

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Submission is the act of yielding to the governance of authority. Some synonyms include obedience, surrender, acquiesce, compliance, consent, and pliability.

We live in a rebellious generation who feel it is their right to sit in judgment of those in authority over them. Christians are no exception. Rebellion against God-appointed leaders is the same as rebelling against the Lord and leads to nothing but trouble. As our commanding general, the Lord says, “Get into ranks and follow me. I will not lead you into temptation, and I will deliver you from evil.”

But we sometimes say, “No, I don’t want to follow today.” So we fall out of ranks, do our own thing, and get into trouble or hurt. Then we blame God for not protecting us. We are also tempted to rebel against human authority. We have two biblical responsibilities regarding authority figures: pray for them and submit to them.

The only time God permits us to disobey earthly leaders is when they require us to do something morally wrong before God. The Bible teaches of our responsibility to submit to the following leaders:

• Civil Government (Romans 13:1-5)
• Parents (Ephesians 6:1-3)
• Husband (1 Peter 3:1-2)
• Employer (1 Peter 2:18-21)
• Church Leaders (Hebrews 13:17)

Being submissive to human authority demonstrates faith. As you submit to God’s line of authority, you choose to believe that God will protect you and bless you and that all will go well with you. Ask God to forgive you for those times you have not been submissive and declare your trust in God to work through His established authority lines.

So, how do we know if we are moving in rebellion in an area in our life? Here are fifteen characteristics to weigh.

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Merriam Webster online defines the verb rebel as to oppose or disobey one in authority or control, act or show opposition or disobedience, or feel or exhibit anger or revulsion. Synonyms of rebel include defiant, disobedient, incompliant, insubordinate, rebellious, ungovernable, unruly, wayward, and willful. Two more synonyms of the verb rebel are mutiny and revolt.

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Rebellion vs. submission. Everyone makes a choice when responding to authority in their life. There’s really no middle ground. Either you’ll choose to submit to God and the authority established in your life, or you’ll rebel. No middle ground means that you can’t choose to submit in one authority area and rebel against another.

So, what does rebellion look like? Let’s begin with the definition. Watch the Facebook Live here.

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