While you may be conscious of how lousy your childhood treatment made you feel, chances are good that you cannot see its effect on you; most of the behaviors we adopt to get through are unconscious. Additionally, there are other forces at play that prevent you from recognition:
You’ve normalized your childhood experiences.
You like thinking that the past is the past, and you’re free.
You’re not ready to act or react to your childhood treatment.
You want to be like everyone else. And you are ashamed of your childhood.
You’re afraid your treatment was justified, and it’s all your fault.
More than anything, you want your mother to love you. Maybe she will. Soon?
Your alternating hope and denial keeps you stuck.
Persecution Live 