Women back into discovery more often than not. Sometimes it becomes clear in therapy, but usually she’s gone into therapy to explore her current unhappiness (e.g., failed relationships, difficulty connecting or achieving goals, and other ancillary problems), and the connection to childhood emerges; that said, many daughters have commented that they were in therapy for years without ever tracing the problems of the present back to their roots.

For some, caring relationships in adulthood highlight the abusive or withholding nature of their childhood treatment. Others come to the realization, because someone points it out to them. For some, becoming a mother shines a light. Some finally see when their mothers treat their children as they were treated or when, despite efforts to set boundaries and rules, their mothers continue to verbally abuse them.

And then there’s just readiness. A daughter sees because she’s finally ready to see, because some internal tipping point is reached. This sounds mystical, but as I explain in my book, Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life, it is the slow pace of revelation.

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