Tag: relationships

5. Generosity helps your $ex life.

Let’s not forget this important benefit: Generosity supports a healthy sex life. Good foreplay begins with generosity. When we turn our partner on by doing what they like, rather than what we think they should like, we are being generous lovers. Letting our partner know when we are pleased, appreciating their efforts, and being willing to hear and explore their fantasies adds richness to our relationships.

Keep in mind that this is not the same as doing something we can’t stand—being open to their sexual desires does not mean ignoring your personal boundaries or going against your own integrity. Also, being generous does not mean having sex each time your partner asks: You are always entitled to say “no.”

Moreover, giving does not mean giving in, as the former is a gift freely given, and the latter quickly leads to resentment. Giving also works in the reverse—meaning you accept your partner’s “no” with kindness and understanding, even though it’s not what you want to hear.

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4. One of the most important ways to cultivate generosity is to practice giving your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Your first interpretation of your partner’s behavior should be in their favor. If he doesn’t call when he said he would, he probably got busy at work. If she is late to the restaurant, maybe traffic was heavier than usual, or she had an unexpected issue to take care of. If he missed acknowledging an important occasion, maybe he had more on his mind than usual. If she is not very affectionate lately, perhaps she is worrying about something or having a bad day. This is not the same as letting major neglect and infractions slide; instead, it is summed up by the adage, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

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3. Generosity includes forgiveness, which is essential for healing and avoiding grudges.

All relationships are full of ruptures and disagreements. Minor infractions are committed often: a confidence broken, a promise forgotten, a complaint that feels like an unfair criticism. Of course, this also means that it’s important that people are willing to apologize, to make amends, and to hear their partner’s complaints without being defensive. When it comes to couples, most conflict arises when people hold on to small issues that evolve into big ones. Certainly, major betrayals require amends and healing. But when smaller annoyances are resolved easily, they leave more room for appreciation, which allows a relationship to thrive. A generous heart facilitates this with much more ease than a stingy one.

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2. Developing a spirit of generosity is not about self-sacrifice or scorekeeping.

Giving until it hurts or trying to buy affection does not develop a healthy relationship. True generosity is also not doing things to make yourself feel smug, superior, or to ease guilt. It does not take the place of caring for yourself or expecting your partner to do his or her part. For example, one of the key predictors of marital success is domestic equality in the home. This practice is not about denying your own needs but about understanding that when you give, something powerful happens inside you. Happiness, self-esteem, and well-being are connected to enjoying caring for others.

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This Is The Most Important Ingredient Of A Lasting Relationship Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist By Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT

July 28, 2018

When researchers from the University of Virginia asked 3,000 men and women what the most important quality in marriage is in 2006, they were expecting the answers to be things like “frequent sex,” “good communication,” and “common interests.” Instead, most of the responders said “generosity.” Surprised? By now, most researchers who study long-term relationships aren’t. In 2014, researcher John Gottman listed kindness and generosity as the two most important elements in a lasting union, and more and more studies1 are linking generosity with happiness in general.

Here are some of the most important things you should know about generosity, especially if you’re looking to apply it to your relationship:

1. If you are not naturally generous, you can learn how to be.

A 2007 study out of Hebrew University showed that some people are programmed to have a more generous nature than others. “The experiment provided the first evidence, to my knowledge, for a relationship between DNA variability and real human altruism,” lead researcher Dr. Ariel Knafo said.

This does not mean you are doomed to selfishness. Think of generosity as a muscle. You can give yourself a kind of “workout.” You start at the gym without much capacity to lift even a few pounds, but over time you build muscle strength. Generosity is the same. It may feel strange and even counterintuitive, but if you want to be generous and act as though you are, you can will yourself to get better at it.

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Healthy Boundaries v. Self-Care

Healthy boundaries also involve taking care of oneself. Each partner should be responsible for their own emotional and physical well-being, and should not rely on the other person to meet all their needs. Taking care of oneself can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling relationship.

Photo by StockSnap

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Healthy Boundaries iv. Flexibility

While boundaries are important, they should also be flexible and open to negotiation. Partners may need to adjust their boundaries over time as their needs and circumstances change. Flexibility in boundaries shows a willingness to work together to find mutually beneficial solutions.

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Healthy Boundaries iii. Consistency

Boundaries need to be consistent and enforced consistently. This means setting clear expectations and consequences for crossing boundaries. When partners are consistent in their behavior, they demonstrate that they are reliable and trustworthy, which can help to build a strong foundation for the relationship.

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Healthy Boundaries ii. Respect

Partners should respect each other’s boundaries and individuality. This means acknowledging and accepting each other’s differences, opinions, and preferences, without trying to change or control them. Respecting boundaries also involves avoiding behaviors that may be triggering or hurtful to the other person.

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10. Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship, as they define the limits of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior between partners. They create a sense of safety, respect, and trust, which are the building blocks of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. They are some key aspects of healthy boundaries in a good relationship:

i. Communication

Healthy boundaries require clear and honest communication between partners. Each partner should express their needs, desires, and boundaries, while actively listening to the other’s perspective. Open communication can help to prevent misunderstandings, build trust, and promote a sense of emotional safety.

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