Category: dumb criminals

2 Arrested in Theft of Sheriff’s Speed-Warning Trailer ‘It appears they were trying to get the batteries to sell the batteries,’ sheriff says

Police say the suspects apparently wanted the trailer’s batteries. (Getty Images/steverts)

Two Alabama men have been arrested over an audacious, but extremely ill-advised, theft. The Russell County Sheriff’s Office said in a Facebook post Tuesday that Gabriel Mendoza Garcia and Steve Gerome Spann were arrested Monday for allegedly stealing a speed-warning trailer that belongs to the sheriff’s office. “It appears they were trying to get the batteries to sell the batteries,” Sheriff Heath Taylor tells the Ledger-Enquirer. “Batteries are bringing a high dollar now.”

Both men have been charged with first-degree theft of property and first-degree criminal mischief. Taylor says the suspects were tracked down through the trailer’s GPS. WRBL reports that the trailer is also equipped with a camera, which captured video of the theft. “It just shows you we’ve got crazy people running around,” the sheriff says.

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Bad Time to Capsize Kayak: When Fleeing From Police Ala. theft suspect had to swim to shore, where police were waiting: report

“He didn’t get far,” the Gadsden Times reports. (Getty Images/Merrimon)

An alleged thief in Alabama tried to evade police by hopping in a river kayak, only to capsize shortly after, authorities say. Numerous people had called Hokes Bluff Police on Friday to report the man, who was allegedly seen wandering through backyards and stealing a lawn mower and leaf blower, reports the Gadsden Times. Some residents had confronted the man by early afternoon, prompting him to flee to the Coosa River, according to Police Chief Tyler Roe. Officers arrived soon after and tracked the suspect down the river. “They’d have eyes on him, then lose him, then catch sight of him again,” Roe said. They didn’t have to watch long.

“He didn’t get far before the kayak flipped, and he started swimming to the bank, where officers were waiting for him,” per the Times, which adds the suspect was “tackled” and arrested. The Attalla man—now charged with burglary, theft of property, attempt to elude, and resisting arrest—told police he was stealing items to sell so he could get his girlfriend’s vehicle out of impound, Roe told the Times, adding police had towed the vehicle from the area on Friday morning. The chief also thanked Glencoe police and the Etowah County Sheriff’s Office for assistance, noting the sheriff’s office had prepared to send a boat to meet the man “head on.”

Cops: Burglar Returned to Crime Scene for His Keys Man broke into doughnut company’s corporate offices in California

A Northern California burglar returned to the scene of the crime this weekend after he forgot his keys inside a doughnut company’s corporate office. The thief stole some petty cash from Johnny Doughnuts’ office in the San Francisco Bay Area on Saturday night, police said. In another twist, he also grabbed the keys to a bakery vehicle, but didn’t steal the vehicle itself, the AP reports. San Rafael police are seeking the public’s help to identify the burglar, who used an unknown tool to “manipulate” the office’s doorknob and get inside around 10pm, according to Lt. Dan Fink.

The crime was reported to police on Monday. Surveillance video shows the man moving between the office and a back storage area, where he pried open a filing cabinet, Fink said. The lieutenant said the thief took a bank bag with an unknown amount of cash. “Part of the investigating is finding out why this specific business was targeted,” he said. No doughnuts were stolen.

Revenge-Seeking Arsonist Set Fire to Wrong House: Cops Christie Louise Jones thought she was at an ex-boyfriend’s, police say

Christie Louise Jones (Rowan County Sheriff’s Office)

A woman who intended to burn down her ex-lover’s home failed to confirm the address and ended up setting fire to a stranger’s abode, according to police in North Carolina. The result is that the alleged arsonist can’t even claim the sweet taste of revenge as she sits in a jail cell. Alerted to flames on his front porch around 7am Friday, a Gold Hill homeowner discovered a woman standing next to a car that was blocking his driveway, according to an incident report from the Rowan County Sheriff’s Office. She mumbled something and, after brushing the armed homeowner with her vehicle, drove away, investigators say, per the Charlotte Observer.

The man didn’t know the woman, per WBTV. But the license plate number he recorded allegedly led to Christie Louise Jones, 49, of Richfield, who is believed to have mistaken the home for that of a former boyfriend living in the same area, investigators say. She allegedly set two fires—one on the porch and another around a propane tank—used Flex Seal to obstruct the homeowner’s garden hose, and cut into his above-ground pool, causing an estimated $20,000 in damage. She’s charged with felony first-degree arson, assault with a deadly weapon, and larceny of an animal, as she was allegedly holding one of the homeowner’s dogs on a leash when he confronted her. Her bond is set at $101,500.

Cops: Robbery Suspect Fled, Home Alone Moment Ensued Gainesville police say slipped on a patch of ice as he was trying to flee a botched robbery

Luis Sajbocho-Ordonez. (Gainesville Police Department)

An alleged armed robber was foiled in the early hours of Christmas Day in what police say was like a scene from Home Alone. Police say Luis Sajbocho-Ordonez concealed himself behind a business in Gainesville, Georgia, which has been experiencing unusually low temperatures, and demanded cash from an employee who left the building around 1am Sunday, Fox 5 reports. Police say a physical altercation followed and when a second employee left the business, Sajbocho-Ordonez was startled and fired a shot that didn’t hit anybody. He then tried to run off, but slipped on a patch of ice and hit his head, police say.

Police say witnesses took two guns from Sajbocho-Ordonez while he was on the ground. He was taken to the county jail and charged with armed robbery and aggravated assault, WJBF reports. Gainesville Police Lt. Kevin Holbrook tells the Gainesville Times that it’s not clear whether facial injuries seen in the suspect’s mugshot happened from the fall or an altercation at the scene. “We know that is how officers found him when they arrived,” Holbrook says.

When Your Getaway Car Is an EV, Charge It First Georgia police say they busted thieves not far from the crime scene—charging their Tesla

Tesla vehicles charge at a station in Emeryville, Calif., Aug. 10, 2022. In the commission of a crime, be sure to have your Tesla fully charged. (AP Photo/Godofredo A. V?squez)

When endeavoring to avoid headlines for criminal idiocy with a green flair, you’d best remember one simple rule: Charge the EV in which you are attempting to flee the scene of your crime. As Fox5 reports, police say two would-be criminal masterminds robbed gaming systems from an unnamed store in in Gwinnett County, Georgia. Responding officers were told that they fled in a Tesla, put out a description to fellow cops … and wouldn’t you know it, the devious twosome were located not far away from the crime scene—charging the aforementioned Tesla.

Police say they recovered the gaming systems, along with several guns, and what they believe is 2 pounds of marijuana. The suspects were not identified in a tweet applauding the work of officers from the Gwinnett County Police Department.

Boy, 13, gets stuck climbing into claw machine for prize April 17, 2023

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) — A 13-year-old boy had to be freed from a claw machine after he climbed inside hoping to score a prize, according to an official at a North Carolina amusement park.

Carowinds officials were alerted just before 2 p.m. Sunday that the boy was inside the Cosmic XL Bonus Game, which contained plush prizes, according to Courtney C. McGarry Weber, a spokesperson for the park south of Charlotte.

The medical response team unlocked the machine and the boy was able to get out, she said. He was treated and released from first aid to his guardian.

The boy has been banned from the park for one year for attempted theft, Weber said.

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The Man Who Tried to Cash a Check for $360 Billion

Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images

“One last big score” is a common trope in crime movies. A criminal who’s tired of the game, but knows no other way of life. He has no appetite to make it on his own in the real, honest world. And so he pulls one last job with a payoff big enough to set himself up for life so he doesn’t have to become, like, a fish salesman, or whatever people in the real world do.

Which brings us to Charles Ray Fuller, whose “last big score” was also apparently his “first, clumsy score,” kind of the premature ejaculation of bank fraud. One bright spring day, Fuller decided to walk into his local bank and attempt to cash a check for $360 billion.

The bank, curiously, suspected something was up and notified the police. But that’s not the interesting part of this story. The interesting part is what was going through this guy’s head when he walked into that bank? Did he think this small bank had $360 billion in cash on hand? Did he really understand how much money that actually was? He could have tipped the entire planet into recession if he’d pulled this off. But of course the answer is that nothing was going through his head when he tried this. By even daring to consider this stunt, our man Fuller demonstrated a pretty horrendous lack of understanding about how checks, banking, and possibly zeros work.

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Caught-Caught

Police in Ossining, New York were called to a mini-mart, where they found Blake Leak, 23, trying to break in. They chased Leak through the streets until both cops took a tumble. Seizing the opportunity, Leak sought refuge on the grounds of a large building. The building was the Sing Sing Maximum Security Prison, where he was promptly nabbed by a guard.

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