There’s always that one day when you think, Ok, this is bad.
So I had that day a number of times in those four years, but one day the struggle was at its worse and I realized there was no where left to turn. On that same day this huge box arrived at my door. It was a gift from my mom that had been on back-order for weeks–it was a large, standing mirror.
I took out the mirror and just looked at myself. How ironic. No, how scary.
There I was… me and my self-deception.
It was the most obvious wake-up call of my life. For a moment I hated the mirror, but then I realized it was time to face it: God is God, and I needed to hand over the reigns.
I prayed from deep in my heart for God to take over my life. In every way I can hear or see I recognized a voice that said, “I want purity for your life.” It made perfect sense in that moment, even though on a human level it made no sense.
I felt all the regret and pain funnel into some different feeling. It felt like holding a hand. And not knowing where it would lead, I fumbled and followed along in a rather awkward way.
Squeaking by, feeling pushed and pulled inside, cringing at rough landings and more mistakes… sometimes it felt like I wouldn’t survive the turbulence.
If the story up until now had been a record, this is the part where the record scratches and you hear that fuzzy sound. God had a new record for me, and it was far better than any record I could have chosen for myself. Here is part two of my testimony.