Remember in the early days of your relationship when just looking at your lover provided a rush of endorphins, when you couldn’t hear enough of their stories, and all your partner’s interests were fascinating to you? We can become habituated to those same tales, and some of us may even feel our eyes roll when we hear the annoyingly familiar worries, complaints, or nostalgic stories we’ve basically head a thousand times.

Working with couples for over 37 years, and being married to my spouse for nearly as long, I know that one of the most important gifts we can give our partners is paying real attention to them. Notice how your partner is feeling, remember what is important to them during their day, and listen to their thoughts and ideas (even if you’ve heard them before or don’t have a natural interest in them).

Generosity is important in every part of a relationship. Giving and accepting affection, doing things for one another to make life easier, forgiving each other, and keeping your partner sexually satisfied all require a generous heart. And for those of us who have a hard time getting out of our own heads, it is a skill that will help us have less stress, be healthier, and live longer.

It might be possible to hardwire your brain to fall and stay in love. Sound crazy? Check this out before you write it off.

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