As mature adults who know our limits when it comes to alcohol, we genuinely don’t mind if you loosen up a little bit or get a little giggly after too much wine. Feeling that you are comfortable around us will make us more comfortable around you.
Two things that should be obvious to this point, though:
Or less. Or the same. Or whatever. Men who are secure in themselves pay much more attention to who you are as a person and how you make us feel when we are around you, rather than what you choose to do for a profession. I would much rather be a woman with a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind than the CEO of a major company that is cold and callous.
The happiness that comes along with loving what you do is more important than a paycheck that comes along with something you don’t.
We all have insecurities — men included. Unless we look like Marky Mark’s Calvin Klein underwear ad, we have plenty of things we want to change about our own bodies, too. We just don’t talk about it as much. Odds are, the small things you are uncomfortable with are never anything a good man would complain about when being intimate with you. We just want to enjoy you.
Trust me, we appreciate the effort you put into looking great, whether it is just for yourself or for a nice event, or for your first date with us. But don’t be so hard on yourself. If we are spending time with you, we are doing it because we want to, regardless of how you look.
By James Michael Sama
Sometimes men get a bad rap for not noticing things, not paying attention to small details, and even just not listening in general.
While I do often disagree with many of these generalizations, it is true that there are some things guys don’t care about. But they might not be the kinds of things that you would think. Here’s a quick rundown.
When that voice of shame wants to accuse you for your past, remind Satan that you are God’s daughter now and HE has forgiven you. Then go and sin no more. Use your life for good and learn from your mistakes. Work hard at helping your husband heal and being a woman of honor and integrity. You can do it. Let go of the past and allow yourself the forgiveness that even God is offering you. Would you like more support from other women like you, as you walk through this?
Consider joining my private Facebook group AMA Women. It’s a safe place to heal and find support from other women who understand the shame and struggle of their own infidelity. If you liked this post, I’d love to hear your comments below.
These bible verses might be helpful for you to read when you feel that shame torment you:
Read the prayer of repentance written by David after he committed adultery as a guide of how to pray for forgiveness for yourself- here.
“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool.”
Isaiah 1:18
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. ”
2 Corinthians 5:17
“As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
Psalm 103:12
Therefore thus says the Lord:
“If you return,
Then I will bring you back;
You shall stand before Me;
If you take out the precious from the vile,
You shall be as My mouth.
Let them return to you,
But you must not return to them.”
Jeremiah 15:19
“Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”
2 Corinthians 6:17
“Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”
Isaiah 53:4-6
You’re basically telling Jesus that it wasn’t enough- “thanks but no thanks; I’m a special case, I’m too bad to be forgiven”.
Sounds ridiculous when you think of it like that right?
But it’s true, and it’s the one thing that really helped me let go of the shame that tormented me then-
and it’s His love that I cling to whenever shame comes knocking on my door even now.
But understand, you’ll likely still suffer for what you did. As I said…Consequences.
Sin carries with it its own punishment.
It promises so much, but leaves us so empty in the end.
I don’t know what your consequences will be.
Your marriage may or may not survive this-that’s your husband’s choice to make,
and he has his own accountability to God for whether he chooses to forgive or not.
Everything, my friend! Because once you can grasp the full truth of God’s love and grace for you- you’ll want to run right into His arms. You’ll want to end that affair and get right with God, because there’s absolutely no love on this earth that can compare to the love HE has for you. Everything else is counterfeit and fake. God wants us to come to Him and tell Him we’re sorry for our sins against Him. No sugar coating or blaming anyone else here.
He wants us to acknowledge that we need his forgiveness and receive the gift of what Jesus did on the cross for us, so we could have eternal life. It might seem to others (like those religious leaders) that it isn’t fair for someone to be forgiven for adultery, or any other sin for that matter. It might seem too easy, but it wasn’t easy for Jesus, it cost Him His life. Maybe, you already know all this. Maybe you’re already a Christian woman who had an affair and that’s added to your guilt and shame. I truly get it.
Maybe you’re having a really hard time releasing that shame because you keep looking at yourself and what you did and hate it because ‘you knew better’.
Yea, I heard that in my head too. Remember, there is an accuser- Satan. He wants you to stay stuck in your shame and continue hating yourself day after day. Why, you ask? Because if he can keep you thinking about your sins and not allowing yourself to receive the forgiveness God is offering you-
he can keep you stuck and ineffective in your life.
That means you can’t focus on how God can make beauty from ashes and you won’t really be able to help your husband heal, because you’re too focused on your own shame to listen to his pain- it just brings you back down again. If Satan can convince you you’re not worthy of forgiveness and encourage your shame spiral, then you’ll never fulfill the purpose and plans God has for you. If Satan can remind you of your past- and let you sit in the misery of what you did- you’ll never fully feel the love and freedom Christ is offering you. It’s like a wall is built around you and your shame is all you see. Do you see how subtle and sly that is?
Christianity’s true claim is that Jesus came to save mankind from their sins because we could not save ourselves. Jesus being fully God and fully man was perfect and without sin, and only HE could step in and pay this debt of sin we owed. And I’m not just talking about adultery- but all sins.
It’s like you and I were found guilty of our crimes, standing in a courtroom obviously guilty and without excuse or justification. We knew our crime and knew we deserved the death penalty. But in walks Jesus- He steps in front of you and I and says “I’ll take her punishment, send me instead.” He did that for you- so you could experience the wonder of His love and to spend eternity with you.
That, my friends, is the meaning behind Him dying on the cross (the short version). It’s not about your good works, or mine, that can get us into heaven. It’s about trusting that HE stood up and took our sins upon Himself- though He was without sin- and God saw it and accepted that it was enough.
But… here’s the catch. It’s not just automatically handed out to every human being. God doesn’t force His love on anyone. He gives you and I a free will to choose him, or not. Sometimes we don’t use that free will very wisely (hence, the affair)…but He offers this gift of salvation to us anyway. But we have a choice. We can either acknowledge we are a sinner and in need of a Savior; that we cannot do this on our own and cry out for God’s help and forgiveness.
OR,
We can be stubborn and declare we’re good on our own, which would be like the obviously guilty woman in a courtroom saying “no, I’m good. I’m not guilty. I can do this with my good works.” But that would be foolish right? Because how many “good works” are enough to pay for your sins? What’s the measuring stick for good works? Do we compare to the murderer on death row? Then we look good. Do we compare to Mother Teresa? Not looking so good now. Do you see how we can’t trust in our own good works for salvation, because it’s not our measuring stick to use- it’s what God accepts. He’s the righteous judge in the courtroom. Learn more about knowing God here.
You certainly can’t do it.
Yes you can work at restoring what you have now and helping the one you hurt;
but there’s nothing you can really do to change the past; or to take back what you did.
That’s the unfortunate truth. Trust me, I tried.
What about a pardon from your husband? He may or may not ever forgive you for what you did.
It will likely take time, and work, for him to grant you that pardon and not hold it against you forever.
But what if he never does?
Does that mean you’re then not worthy of forgiveness?
Did this one (terrible) thing define the whole of who you really are?
What about the good you’ve ever done?
Does adultery cancel all of that out?
No. I don’t believe it can or should do that.
Persecution Live 