Category: Humor

Screen time

PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK

In August, homeowners in Henrico, Virginia, woke to find that old televisions had been left on their porches in the night. The eerie delivery only got creepier when home security footage revealed that they’d been delivered by an ominous visitor: the figure sported a navy jumpsuit and gloves, and masked its face with what appeared to be an actual TV. Before leaving, it turned to the security cameras and waved. Police have collected 52 TVs but are still baffled as to what the motive might have been. Hopefully Henrico’s TV Santa brings flat screens next time. —Gabrielle Drolet

These DIY jokes will bring down the house!

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Dear diary

PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK

In late January, 50-year-old Robert Shull Goddard smashed the glass on the back door of a Nashville home and stole a television and firearm but accidentally left behind incriminating evidence. City police arrested the orderly burglar after he dropped a notebook full of identifying clues. The journal contained a list of other targets—including the address of a house a few miles away that was robbed that same day. It also featured a note from his daughter—as well as her home address. Goddard was convicted of aggravated burglary in late March and sentenced to 12 years in prison, proving crime can sometimes be a little too organized. —Rebecca Philps

Have laugh at these hilarious lawyer jokes.

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I believe I can fly

PHOTO: RAYMAN CHEUK WAI-MAN/SHUTTERSTOCK

On three occasions this past summer, Songshan Airport in downtown Taipei allowed 60 passengers the chance to check in, collect their boarding passes, clear security, wait at their gate and board a China Airlines Airbus. The plane’s destination? Nowhere. The groups were the lucky winners of a contest that let people role-play a day at the airport—satisfying their nostalgia for a time when air travel was still a fun and easy prospect. Once the passengers boarded, though, their trip came to an anticlimactic end. After being greeted by flight attendants, buckling up and sitting on the tarmac, fantasy travellers deplaned and went home. —Suzannah Showler

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German ballet director suspended over feces attack on critic February 13, 2023

FILE – A TV cameraman films the State Opera in Hanover, Germany, Feb. 13, 2023. The Hannover State Opera said Thursday that it is ending its contract with ballet director Marco Goecke after he smeared dog feces on the face of a newspaper critic whose reviews he had taken exception to. (Julian Stratenschulte/dpa via AP, File)

BERLIN (AP) — A German newspaper critic had animal feces smeared on her face in the city of Hannover by a ballet director who apparently took offense at a review she wrote.

The Hannover state opera house apologized for the incident and said Monday that it was suspending ballet director Marco Goecke with immediate effect.

The daily Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung reported that a furious Goecke approached its dance critic, Wiebke Huester, during the interval of a premiere at Hannover’s opera house on Saturday and asked what she was doing there. It said that the two didn’t know each other personally.

The newspaper said that Goecke, who apparently felt provoked by a recent review she wrote of a production he staged in the Dutch seat of government, The Hague, threatened to ban her from the ballet and accused her of being responsible for people canceling season tickets in Hannover.

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After Hearing It’s A Dangerous Hazard That’s Killed Millions, Biden Proposes Ban On Fire

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden’s continued efforts to make the world a better place by judiciously banning everything people hold dear continues to bear fruit. After educating the ignorant public on the dangers of gas stoves, the Commander-in-Chief has now set his crosshairs on a hazard that has killed millions throughout history: Fire.

Biden will sign the proposed ban on fire as soon as staffers find a pen that’s not all chewed up and slobbery.

“If you thought gas stoves were murder machines, wait ’til you hear about even dangerouser fire,” said Biden to a flock of journalists, some of whom just this morning had ignorantly used fire to ritualistically burn an effigy of Trump. “You may not know this, but fire has been used in tanks and missiles since its invention during the Paleolithic Period.”

The president then described how fire could have been used by white nationalist MAGA-supporting rioters on January 6th to destroy democracy even more had they known about its ability to destroy things like paper and democracy.

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