Some may say that Christians should only confess their sins to God, since he’s the one who forgives and is ultimately the one we sinned against. Yet this isn’t what the Bible teaches. Some church traditions have taken confession to another person too far. But we read in James 5:16, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
We do need to confess our sins first to the Lord. But he also made us to walk in community with other believers, and part of that community is being open with one another about our sin struggles so we may have accountability and support to fight them.
Confessing sin is painful and vulnerable. We fear how others’ perception of us will change, and we also fear what they might do with that information. This is why all of us as a church must treat this process with the utmost care and humility.
I hesitate to speak up about my sin because it disgusts me. But when a patient shows up in the emergency room with a festering wound oozing blood, he needs a doctor who won’t flinch away from it or quickly put a bandage on it so it can’t be seen. He needs a doctor who calmly wades into the mess so he can bring full healing.
We need these kinds of doctors for our souls as well. The ones who look straight into the ugliness of our sin and patiently work through it with us so we can be healed. This is hard work. Bearing one another’s burdens is messy and anguishing. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that I need my faithful people to walk beside me. And when we grow in vulnerability, it invites others to be vulnerable, too. Because I confessed my sin to a friend, she felt safe a year or so later to confess her sin to me, knowing I would not be put off by it. So how can we grow in this practice?
For those confessing, consider:
Find the right people. Some sins are not meant to be shared with the whole small group. Some are meant to be shared with one or two trusted people—mentors or friends who will walk by your side and pray with you. The mentor I mentioned earlier has been so gentle with me. I remember one time tearfully saying I didn’t want to disappoint God. She said, “He’s not disappointed with you. He loves you, and he’s giving you the strength to fight against this sin.” That’s the kind of person who you need on your side.
If you don’t have people like that in your life, find a Bible-believing church where you can start building those relationships. Seek out a biblical counseling ministry so that a counselor can walk you through your struggles. Pray that God might bring a friend or mentor like that into your life.
It might feel terrifying to admit your sin but remember that fear is a tactic of Satan. God is a God of light, not darkness. Bringing your sin into the light will bring healing; keeping it in the dark will only make it fester.