Unfortunately, many folks are raised on the myth of stoicism and taught from a pre-verbal age that showing emotions is wrong or even immoral.
Science proves the opposite is true. Bottling up thoughts and feelings erodes our mental health and negatively impacts physical health, rendering statements like “why are you so emotional” invalidating and psychologically damaging.
Validation plays a significant role in molding our identities and self-worth. It helps us understand the world, shape our views, and figure out how and where we fit into the bigger picture.
Broadly speaking, emotional invalidation is when someone dismisses your feelings and observations as insignificant and undeserving of consideration.
Internalizing these negative messages about our worth, emotional state, and personhood can erect high mental health hurdles.
Feeling invalidated triggers negative behaviors and emotional responses. When another person shuts us down, it:
Invalidation is trickier to navigate than other types of straightforward verbal abuse because it can be verbal or nonverbal, accidental or intentional.
The text (English Standard Version):
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Hophni and Phineas turned out to be so evil, however, because of the way their father treated them: “I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons make themselves contemptible, and his failed to restrain him” (1 Sam 3:12-13). “When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as judges for Israel. The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was Abijah, and they served at Beersheba. But his sons did not walk in his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice” (1 Sam 8:1-3).
When God revealed himself to Moses, he said, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punished the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation” (Ex 34:6-7). Could the reason the Lord punishes children to the third and fourth generation be that sins are passed down from generation to generation?
In other words, because children learn sinful ways of behaving in a household, they often repeat those sinful behaviors in adulthood. There are a multitude of examples in the Scriptures.
Abraham apparently passed on lying to his son Isaac. (Gen 12:10-20; 26:1-16). Granted, the episode with Abram’s going down to Egypt occurred before Isaac was ever born; however, it could very well be that Abram had a real problem with telling the truth—in Genesis 20, he told Abimelech that Sarah was his sister, not his wife.
Isaac and Rachel’s favoritism caused Jacob much heartache in later life.
“Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob” (Gen 25:28). Jacob was able to steal Esau’s blessing through the conniving of his mother—that act brought much heartache to that family (Gen 27).
Jacob continued that favoritism in his own family: “Now Israel [Jacob] loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him” (Gen 37:3-4). Because of the jealousy of Joseph’s brothers, Joseph was sold to slavery in Egypt. (Did Jacob pass on deception to his children, deception in learned in his family of origin?) Jacob mourned greatly when he thought Joseph had died: “Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. ‘No,’ he said, ‘in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.’ So his father wept for him” (Gen 37:34-35).
Every single problem in every single family has the root cause of sin. I will readily admit that this is quite simplistic, but it is true, nonetheless.
Sin has a serious effect on mankind:
Let’s think about some families which were adversely affected because of sin:
Sara brought much heartache to her family because she refused to trust God.
There is no doubt but that American families today have a multitude of damaging influences.
Some of the problems:
Why have these attitudes developed? Where are teens getting such ideas?
The wife, for example, says to her husband: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers” (1:2-4).
Solomon likewise speaks to his wife: “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman’s hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses. How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.’ May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine” (7:1-9).
Paul encourages the people of Corinth to give themselves to their spouses: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her along but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer” (1 Cor 7:2-5). If Paul tells the Corinthians that they should have sex, how can sex be dirty or improper?
Matthew 19:3-9. Divorce is going to happen, even to Christian couples. However, what will we do when divorce happens? Will we divorce only for biblical reasons, or will we divorce for any and all reasons? We will spend more time talking about the Christian response to divorce later in the semester.
The husband and his wife are also to become one flesh. I do not believe that this refers only to the sexual relationship; however, this does certainly include sexual relations. Some Christians are embarrassed by frank discussions of human sexuality. We need to remember, however, that God made us as sexual beings. He created the penis with all of its functions and the vagina with all of its functions. Since God created us as sexual beings, we should expect to find Scripture containing numerous references to sexuality.
Persecution Live 