Find yourself blaming the person you cannot forgive for your feelings? Maybe you’re blaming the weather, or even random events.

Understand that when you choose to withhold forgiveness, what you’re saying to the offender is:

“I hold you responsible not just for what you did to me, but how I reacted and responded to what you did. I hold you responsible for my unhappiness.”

What to do instead: You may be slow to acknowledge it, but this is often the hidden script operating in your heart and soul. But it’s a lie, plain and simple. Only you are responsible for your reactions and feelings. By giving that responsibility away to your offender, you’re allowing them to have power over you that’s not theirs to have.

Unearth the script by saying it to yourself out loud. Write it down. You’ll almost immediately recognize and acknowledge the lie in your script. Choose to take back what is rightfully yours—your own reactions and feelings, no matter how unpleasant. This will be key to freeing you from your self-imposed prison.

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