And then, one of the prayer counsellors asked if I liked to dance. I nodded yes. She then told me that God was inviting me to dance with Him. She suggested that I picture myself dancing with Him – and there I was, doing the two-step with the Lord, and then He was twirling me around!
Soon, I broke into laughter. Uncontrollable, joyful laughter. The kind of laughter that brings tears to your eyes.
It also suddenly became clear that the root of my uncontrollable anger in the classroom was my pride being hurt because of unmet expectations, starting early in childhood.
The fact that I felt I had to “earn” my dadʼs love through performance led me to do the same with my students! I found myself only encouraging and complimenting only students who had done what I had required. Oh, the irony.
The prayer counsellors lovingly reminded me that there is so much opportunity in the classroom, to represent Him, to be a conduit of love and grace and forgiveness.
They suggested that I say a quick prayer every time I make my way to class and visualise Jesus in my classroom.
Inviting Jesus into my classroom and following His lead has empowered me, and the lashing out in a fit of uncontrollable rage at my students has ceased. Not to say I don’t still struggle, but picturing Him in sitting there among my students is certainly helping. Praise the Lord!
God is such a gentleman, so careful and gentle with our fragile and delicate hearts. He is loving yet firm, as He sifts and prunes. Always knowing the state and condition of our hearts – our readiness and teachability; always having our best interests in mind; desiring us to truly know and be loved by Him, and to love Him in return.
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