Nubia DuVall Wilson is the founder and president of Cielo Consulting, co-founder of Starfury Productions, a mother, journalist, author, speaker, and survivor of incest.
Nubia first disclosed the abuse she experienced to her husband in July 2016, when memories of the abuse began to resurface. Her husband felt awful and wanted to help. Immediately after, together, they worked through the section for partners in the book Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women of Child Sexual Abuse.
“The book helped us communicate and understand what the ‘partner of the survivor’ goes through and how it is hard for them and how both of us can be understanding of the fact that we are both changing/going through phases through this process. Partners of survivors need to understand that their survivor partner might be distant, ambivalent about being sexual, cold, or even angry as a wave of emotions will be going through them throughout the process. Survivors need to understand that their partner will go through their own version of sadness, confusion and anger and their emotions need to be discussed and acknowledged as well.”
In 2018, Nubia published a book called The Survivors Club, a supernatural short story inspired by her abuse and healing journey.
“I looked back at my old short stories after I started remembering my abuse and found one called ‘Phobia.’ I read it and realized my subconscious was trying to tell me I had experienced incest as a child. I decided I wanted to expand on the story, which was inspired by a dream when I first moved into my house in New Jersey shortly after marriage, and use it as a vehicle to talk about the long-term effects of survivorship and high prevalence of child sexual abuse…I inserted dreamscapes in between chapters which were real dreams I had had while trying to face my trauma, sadness, and anger. They read like poetry in many ways. Each character is a part of me. The end is triumphant.”
Along with writing her book, Nubia has also been active as a founder and business owner of the PR/marketing agency Cielo and TV/film production company Starfury Productions. She works on many projects that continue to advocate for survivors of child sexual abuse and their healing journeys.
“I create content on TikTok about the importance of boundaries in the bedroom and having a voice to say what you need and don’t want. The series is called #HerNeedsMatter for women who experienced sexual abuse and are ambivalent or voiceless in the bedroom. I also offer teens/young adults the opportunity to ask questions that they can’t ask in health class and are too ashamed to ask their parents, especially for survivors of abuse. Many have taken me up on it. I get DMs on Instagram all the time. I just started a TikTok/IG series about how to deal with narcissists. My abuser is a narcissist and I have had bad dating experiences with them, so I want to help people who are going through the same issues.”
As Nubia reflects on her social media advocacy and how it has supported her own journey to heal, she also offered advice to individuals experiencing abuse who are weighing the decision of whether or not to come forward.
“Regain your power and find someone in your community who will support your voice to speak out. Being abused is a power struggle and predators prey on those who have no one to speak up for them or to believe them. If you can’t gain strength and support from someone in your community, find strength in yourself. Contact RAINN and/or find a therapist who can help you. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my therapist who I had since 2013 even before I started to remember my abuse. I always knew something was off with my family and didn’t know how to describe it. Coming forward does NOT make your life easier so to speak, but it makes you BETTER.”
Nubia found four things really helped her on her healing journey:
“1. I had a client, Meg Berry, who taught Tantric Yoga or MomCore. It was all about being in tune with your body and using tantric breath work with Pilates to strengthen your pelvic floor and reconnect mind and body. 2. Writing down my dreams and keeping a journal. 3. I told my close-knit friends and started to talk about my healing journey openly on social media…I also started a secret FB group as a result for survivors to connect in a private, safe space. 4. I started to understand my triggers and how to take control and/or prevent them, as well as learn to manage them when they happen. Planning ahead is huge. Face your trauma, don’t hide from it. Your triggers and coping mechanisms can also become your superpowers. For example, I harness my anxiety to foresee problems at work before they happen. I am also empathetic, so I can read clients very well. Taking control of my triggers helps me a lot.”