The more comfortable you are with the good thoughts and feelings, the less comfortable you will become with the negativity. Your tolerance for manipulation and toxic comments will go on.
Remember to see what is happening for what it is. You are not stupid, or dull, or ugly.
It is not your fault that your mother doesn’t love you enough. She is not able. She has never been able to. A narcissist is incapable of an unconditionally loving connection with another person. They have their own issues and deep insecurities.
It is sad, and it is not your fault.
The damage was done before you came on the scene. Narcissism stems from trauma in childhood, and so your mom was needy and hurting her whole life. You can be compassionate to the pain; you can have a heart for her suffering without being responsible for fixing it.
You can’t fix it. There is debate about whether or not it is fixable at all. Narcissists are one of the most challenging client’s and many therapists won’t take them on.
Your last and best tip is to limit your exposure. The solution is dilution. Even within a family, siblings will differ in how they approach this based on their unique relationship with their mother. One sibling might tolerate visits once a week, and another cannot face visits ever again.
Mother has such a powerful label, and judgment could be leveled against a child who “cuts their mother off”, but a narcissist mother’s “love” is often more appropriately described as abuse.